I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
