goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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