You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
