i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
