This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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