Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize