I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
