so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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