Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
