so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just puked most of my soul out..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize