i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
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