i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
