we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
