You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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