I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
