Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize