I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
