I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
