We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
