was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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