I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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