I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
