drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
