officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
