this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
