they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
