I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
