Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize