god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
