I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
