I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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