Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
