so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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