No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
