a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
