$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
