he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
