My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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