just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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