if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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