Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
