I am puke
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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