I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
