DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
