im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
