Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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