Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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