Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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