I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
