she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
