who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
