I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i love accidental penises.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
