she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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