I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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