I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
