Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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