we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
