We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
