i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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