marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
