I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
