she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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