dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
