everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
