Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
