Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize