You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
