If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
