Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
